The key to a happy relationship is to speak the same LOVE language. Just like we grow up learning to speak English, Spanish, or Chinese, we also learn how to communicate our feelings. But just like someone who speaks only Chinese will have trouble understanding someone who speaks only Spanish, we sometimes don’t understand our partners because we’re not speaking the same love language. That’s according to marital therapist Dr. Gary Chapman. He says in order to figure out which love language your partner is speaking, listen to what they complain about the most in your relationship:  

  • For example, if your girlfriend complains that you two never spend time together, her love language is Quality Time. That’s someone who equates time spent together with love. They want to sit on the couch at the end of the day and talk. They want to exercise together or even go grocery shopping together.  

  • What about the person who complains, “Can I get some help around here for once?!” Dr. Chapman calls that love language: Acts Of Service. This person feels loved when you make them a meal or pick them up from the airport. For them, actions do speak louder than words. And no amount of “I love yous” will make them feel as loved as you helping them with something.

  • What about this one: Do you have a girlfriend who asks, “How do I look?” Or a boyfriend who says, “What do you think about my new job?” Their love language is Words Of Affirmation. They need to hear “good job” or “you look gorgeous in that dress” to feel loved. And when they have to ask for it, it bothers them. So listen to your partner’s complaints. You’ll be able to identify their love language and it may save your relationship. 

If you want to take a quiz to figure out your love language, go to and click on Profiles.