Here and now we have the top signs that you’re in a dysfunctional relationship, and need to get out. These come from Bonnie Kaye, a relationship expert who wrote the book Man Readers: A Woman’s Guide to Dysfunctional Men.

  • You’re being ‘Hoovered.’ That’s the term therapists use for when every time you think your relationship is ending, your partner suddenly turns on the charm, and pulls you back in – like a vacuum cleaner! Kaye says a lot of people fall for being “Hoovered” because they’re flattered by the attention they’re getting, and they believe their partner will change the next time around. But “Hoovering” is just another form of manipulation and unless you make a choice to break the cycle, it can go on for a lifetime.

  • You’ve split up and gotten back together THREE TIMES already. Our expert says love is complicated, but it should never be that hard. Because if you’re always wondering whether or not you’re still a “couple,” then you’re not in a relationship – you’re on a rollercoaster – and that’s just exhausting.

  • When you’re together, you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. In healthy relationships, experts say partners make each other feel safe and secure. So, it’s a bad sign if you feel like any little mistake will start a fight or end the relationship.

  • Your partner takes up ALL your free time. To the point where they guilt-trip you for being out with your friends – and not with them! Our expert says that’s a sign that you’re dating a control freak, who will never let you have a life of your own, because they want to control you.

Here’s a simple test to see if you’re in a dysfunctional relationship: Try scheduling some “me” time, where you plan some activities without your partner. Kaye says if your partner protests, or suddenly showers you with compliments and gifts to get you to stay, that’s a red flag! It means you’re about to get “Hoovered” again, and that it’s time to end the relationship.