In any marriage, experts say most problems can be fixed with communication and therapy. But here’s a list of some deal-breaker problems that almost always lead to divorce, according to therapist and divorce coach Micki McWade.

  • When couples stop being partners. McWade says it takes TWO people to keep a marriage alive. So, when one partner starts to feel like the “parent” in the relationship – because the other’s being selfish, immature, or irresponsible – then the marriage is doomed. That’s because unless the problem’s addressed right away, partners will detach emotionally, and there’s usually no turning back from that.

  • Chronic blaming. It’s a bad sign if there’s always finger pointing, or if one person is always being blamed for problems or hurt feelings. Because if you, or your partner, cares more about finding fault, and being right all the time, resentment will slowly kill the relationship.

  • Watch out for spouses who are selfish. Like if you complain about a bad day, and your partner tops you, by saying their day was worse. Or, you say you’ve got a headache, and they say they’re coming down with a horrible flu. McWade says partners who make everything about them have no business being married. Because for relationships to work, couples need to support and have empathy for each other!

By the way, did you notice what’s NOT on the marriage deal-breaker list? Cheating! McWade says that’s because affairs are often a symptom of bigger problems in the relationship. And she’s found that most couple can survive an affair, as long as they’re willing to get help, talk about their deeper issues, and find ways to fix them.