What’s one of the biggest marriage-killers? Nagging. In fact, experts say that nagging can be as toxic to your marriage as bad finances or adultery. And nagging becomes a vicious circle – because the person being nagged gets tired of it, and starts dragging their feet even more, which causes the nagging to get worse.

So, why do we nag? Because we feel we won’t get what we want from the other person unless we keep asking. But the truth is, the first or second time you asked, you were probably heard. There may be a reason why your partner isn’t taking action. So, here are a few things to consider before you ask one more time:

  • Try to understand what makes them tick. Is he really too lazy to do his chores, or simply tired and overworked? Does the nagging mean she doesn’t trust you to do chores, or that she’s just trying to keep track of what needs to be done? Instead of wondering, just come out and ask.
  • Help them understand where you’re coming from. Try saying things like: “When you ignore me, I feel like you don’t love me.” Or “When you nag, I feel like you don’t appreciate what I’m already doing.”
  • Give them some control by setting a time frame. Like asking, “Can you change the oil in the car this weekend?” And let them pick when it works best for them.
  • Consider an alternative solution. Instead of nagging and arguing, you might be better off hiring a handyman.