Let’s talk about the state of your relationship. You hardly ever argue – you have similar careers – you have common interests. Does that sound like a relationship that’ll last?
Well, it turns out most of us judge our relationship by the wrong standards. The good news is scientists have identified some simple but powerful signs that can help you spot a problem in your relationship, long before it leads to a break up. This comes from the book: “For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage.”
The first sign of a good relationship? You bicker. Studies show it’s a mistake to judge a relationship by the amount of time you argue. According to a University of Washington study, couples who bicker are more likely to be stable than couples who pride themselves on never arguing. Those couples are more likely to break up. But you have to argue the right way – it’s a gripe versus a snipe. A gripe is a complaint about the relationship, “I wish we had more date nights.” A snipe is directed at the person, “How come you never take me out?!” So gripe – don’t snipe.
The next sign of trouble: the eye roll. The researchers from the University of Washington found that the eye roll – even if it was accompanied by a laugh or smile – indicated some degree of contempt. And contempt is relationship poison. It’s disrespect and disapproval.
The final sign of trouble: Only one of you makes the plans. According to psychologists from the University of Denver, when one person is always setting the schedule or planning the activities, it’s a sign that the balance of control is off. That leads to resentment. So get more equality in your relationship if you want it to last.