Here’s how to get the real deal on your date. Just pay attention when they’re talking. You can figure out everything you need to know: 

  • For example: Is he a responsible guy? Pay attention the next time he gets in a fender bender, or spills coffee on himself. Listen to his post-game analysis. Is it always someone else’s fault? According to psychiatrist Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of “_The Secrets of Happily Married Men_”, people in successful relationships focus on the positive. You don’t want to be with the eternal victim. So steer clear of the guy who says, “Well, if that jerk hadn’t cut me off, I wouldn’t have hit that car!” Stick with the guy who says, “I wasn’t paying close enough attention. But the damage isn’t too bad and nobody got hurt.” He’s a keeper. 

  • Next, if you want a person who’s patient, talk about work. That’s shows what a person is really like under pressure. Psychologist John Van Epp, author of “How To Avoid Marrying A Jerk” says – if she’s telling you stories of how she made the intern cry, or got into it with her cubicle-mate for their smelly lunches, you know she’s got a short fuse. And that won’t just stay at work – she’ll bring it home, too.   

  • And here’s a tried but true test to see if someone’s compassionate: Go shopping with them. Malls are a smorgasbord of human interaction – peeved customers, stressed out clerks, moms with kids. How does your date react to these people? Does he make snide comments about the guy in the food court, “I bet he’s no brainiac!” Does she hold the elevator for the mom with the stroller? Does he snap at the salesperson who got his size wrong? Dr. Haltzman says you want to see someone who has empathy for others. If they can’t be civil to a stranger, they’ll probably bite your head off when you make a mistake, or judge you quickly and harshly too.