If your partner cheats, is abusive, or lies, those are clear-cut signs that there are big problems in the relationship. But some relationship killers aren’t that obvious. In fact, they may even start out as something you like, like being put on a pedestal, or needed. So here are a few stealth problems that can chip away at a relationship.

  • We’ll start with the one I just mentioned, being put on a pedestal. Of course, having an overly-critical partner is unhealthy, but someone who worships you and thinks you’re perfect isn’t healthy either. That’s because nobody’s perfect, and you’ll struggle to live up to that idealized image they have of you. The best relationships are ones in which we see each other for who we really are, flaws and all.  

  • Another not-so-obvious sign of an unhealthy relationship: You never argue. Psychologists say, if you never disagree or get angry, you’re not being real with each other. One, or both of you, are silencing yourselves for the sake of the relationship. But it’s better to get in a fight when you feel strongly about something, than to pretend that everything is okay just to keep the peace.  

  • The third sign that your relationship is on shaky ground: Neediness. There’s a big difference between being wanted, and being needed. If your partner constantly needs your attention, you’re going to burn out, and start to resent them. Each person should be able to function without the other. 

  • One last subtle sign of a relationship in danger: When one of you is always “working” on the relationship. When there’s an inequality in the maintenance of the relationship, it’s a sign that one person is more invested than the other. If you stopped working on the relationship, would it fall apart? If so, it may be time to stop trying to make it work and let it go.