- Your heart sinks when you answer the phone and it's them.
- You find yourself rolling your eyes or catch them rolling theirs.
- When you fight you don't really tell them how you feel.
Relationship Rut #1: Your friend or partner doesn't want to talk about a problem.
Solution: Give them space and permission to be silent for a while. Keep in mind, when people clam up, it's often because they don't know how to express difficult feelings. If they sound frustrated, acknowledge that you hear that. Or if they need space, let them know it's ok if they don't want to talk now. But it's important that you work through it together when they're ready.
Rut number 2: You give; they take.
The Solution: You'd think it would be for them to take less. But actually it's for you to start asking for more. It feels great to be the friend everyone turns to. It's empowering. But eventually, you'll start resenting that. Don't forget your own needs and be assertive when asking for them just like your friends are. If they don't like your new behavior, it'll be a cue for them to stop behaving that way. If they have no problem with your new, more demanding style, then you'll both be giving and taking equally. Bottom line: You don't have to wait for the other person to change to start fixing what's wrong in your relationships. It takes 2 to fight, it only takes one to change.