What You Need to Make Your Relationship Last

Whether you’ve been married for 10 days or 10 years, here’s what you need to make your relationship last.

  • You need furniture that you BOTH love. Dr. Julie Holland is a professor of psychiatry at NYU School of Medicine. And she says when you shop for a couch, a bed and so on, you’re combining two lives and two sets of tastes – and it can become a power struggle. If one person always compromises, it puts them in a subordinate position. And there’s a constant reminder of it in the living room. So, you have to buy furniture that makes you BOTH happy – even if that means neither one of you gets your favorite piece.
  • The ability to fight fair. Sharon Wolf is a psychotherapist and author of the book How to Stay Lovers for Life. And she says for a relationship to last, you have to avoid the “kitchen sink” fight – where you throw everything your partner has done back in their face. Also, you both have to banish the phrase, “You’re just like your mother!” And never attack them with questions like, “How come you never bring me flowers?” You know there’s a deeper issue behind that, so have a rational discussion about what’s really bothering you.
  • A bout of bad luck. Let’s say one of you loses your job, or you have a falling-out with your landlord. Now, obviously I’m not wishing either of these on you, but Wolf says setbacks are actually opportunities for the two of you to grow closer together. The key is to not fall into the trap of blaming each other, which is easy to do. Instead, make your situation the enemy. By fighting adversity together, you help strengthen your bond. Wanna go further? Check out the book How to Stay Lovers for Life.

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