How couples cope when something positive happens
You know that hurdles like jealousy and miscommunication can determine the whether a relationship succeeds but what about how couples cope when something positive happens? According to Psychology Today, the way we respond to our mate's good fortune is a strong indication of how long a romance will last. Shelly Gable is an assistant professor of Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles. She decided to research how couples share everyday positive events like one person getting a promotion at work. She felt the bulk of research was about how couples cope with conflict and trauma-- Gable found that, fortunately, positive events happen more often than negative ones so why is it that so many marriages don't work out? She says it has a lot to do with the way couples handle each other's good news. She broke down people's responses into 4 categories:
- Enthusiastic: "That's wonderful you deserve it!
- Less-than-enthusiastic: "Hmmmm that's nice."
- Uninterested: "Did you see the score of the Yankees game?
- And negative: "It's not much of a raise." Gable says the only "correct" reaction is the first one - to be enthusiastic. This response is linked to intimacy, satisfaction, trust and continued commitment-- Why? It seems that basking in good news increases happiness because the person feels good every time they remember the event. This is true for both men and women, and applies to all couples, whether they're dating or married, and whether the event is big or small. If a partner doesn't respond enthusiastically, the person doesn't feel as good about their success, and they feel less understood, validated and cared for. So the next time your mate comes home and tells you they won the lottery, try to look happy - OK?
