Guys, want to improve your relationship? Then start complimenting the woman in your life! Not all compliments are created equal. Here’s what you should say, courtesy of Rodale Publishing, and Dr. Aaron Goetz, professor of psychology at California State University at Fullerton:
- Don’t say it like you mean it – actually mean it. Women are programmed to be skeptical of what you say. It’s their way of protecting themselves from manipulative men who don’t want to commit to relationships. So, don’t exaggerate. The more detailed a compliment is, and the more it’s tailored to her specifically, the more intimate and effective it is. So, use sensory words like, “I love the sound of your voice.” Or “I love the way you smell.”
- If it’s worth saying, it’s worth repeating. A recent study found that women are more aware than men are of compliments given and received. They see compliments as a way of growing closer to their partner. Psychotherapist Tammy Nelson says you can never tell a woman too many times that she’s beautiful, because it reassures her that you still feel an emotional connection.
- Next: Share compliments from others, because they’re often more believable. After all, she expects you to gush, but she’ll be more likely to believe compliments from a third party with no vested interest in her. So, tell her she’s beautiful. Then mention that one of your friends noticed her smarts or her smile.
- The most memorable and flattering compliments come from genuine emotions. Researchers asked 163 people in romantic relationships to recall the most significant compliment they ever received. The ones they mentioned were mostly about the importance of the person or the relationship, rather than physical attributes.
- The final way to improve your relationship: If she has to ask how she looks, it’s too late. Dr. Robin Kowalski is a professor of psychology at Clemson University. She says that compliments lose credibility when they’re in response to a statement of insecurity. If she has to ask, she won’t believe your answer. So, if the woman in your life has a new haircut, or has been working hard at the gym, say something like, “I like the way that haircut frames your face.” Or, “Wow, those core workouts have really paid off.” Say it before she asks, “How do I look?”