You may be the smartest, most talented, most beautiful person in the room, but it’s the ability to click with people that can ultimately land you a job, promotion, date or closer personal friendships. That’s according to Ori Brafman, the coauthor of the book “Click.” Studies show that relationships that start with an immediate click can be even more meaningful than those that form at a slower pace – because people feel like they were “meant to be.” Brafman reviewed years of research on what unites people and discovered certain things make people feel more chemistry. For example:
- Sharing a space. People will subconsciously feel more comfortable with you when you occupy the same space – because it gives you a sense of being a little club, but it doesn’t have to be a confined space – like an elevator. Feeling trapped has the opposite effect. Ideally what you want is breathing space with defined borders – like a kitchen. So let’s say you’re trying to develop a relationship with your boss. Strike up a conversation in the break room – and share some personal information. Nothing weird – maybe that you’re craving coffee from your hometown.When you share something personal, others are likely to reciprocate – and when that happens you establish a bond.
- The next way to click is called “the survivor factor.” Suffering through a challenging situation with someone bonds you. It flips the survival switch in our brain that makes us feel like we’re in it together. It’s the same tactic used in boot camps. It’s even why we bond with other people while standing in a long line. So volunteer for a nightmare project at work. Suffering through the chaos and exhaustion with others will help you forge a connection.
- The last way to click with someone? Use the proximity factor. When you see someone over and over again – even if you never speak – you feel a connection. According to a University of Pittsburgh study, it automatically makes you more likeable and attractive. So take the same class as the guy you like. Just by virtue of seeing each other repeatedly, you’re more likely to hit it off.