Couples – beware! The quality that made you fall in love with your spouse may one day be the thing you dislike most about them! University of California researchers studied married couples over several years, and had them complete a questionnaire asking what they love and dislike about their partner, as well as their relationship satisfaction.
The result? The number one trait that attracted someone to their partner often became the top thing they disliked about them! It's a phenomenon called “the partnership paradox.” Like, you fell in love with your husband because he was passionate. But now you find him too intense. Or you were drawn to your wife’s outgoing personality, but now consider her too flirty.
So, why do we go from loving a spouse’s quality – to hating it? First, experts say that after the honeymoon period is over – disillusionment kicks in. Meaning, you discover your partner isn’t perfect - and you start noticing their flaws. Then repeated exposure takes effect. Over time, those traits begin to wear on you and become really annoying. Like your partner’s O-C-D gets to the point where they can’t relax with you after dinner until every square inch of the kitchen is sparkling.
The good news is you can fall back in love with that now-annoying quality. Experts say the secret is to make a list of your partner’s negative qualities – and then write why they’re positive. For example: Annoying quality #1: They micromanage. The upside? They’re “organized.” Focusing on all of your partner’s positive traits will remind you of how great they are and you can keep that in mind next time that negative quality gets on your nerves.