Of all the decisions you make in your life, none will be as important as deciding who you’ll marry. That’s why I have the secret to a solid, marriage-worthy relationship. This comes from Hara Estroff Marano, the editor of Psychology Today.
She says there are five areas that form the glue that holds healthy relationships together. They are: Love, trust, commitment, intimacy and attachment. And you need to pace yourself and not let any one of those five areas get in front of another. Because if you make a commitment before you know you can really trust a person, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Or if you commit to someone you’re not sure you really love them, you’ll be headed for divorce court, sooner or later.
The same applies for getting emotionally involved. You shouldn’t tell your innermost feelings to someone just because you feel an attraction and chemistry. That’s why intimacy comes after trust and commitment.
You should also look at how your potential mate handles family, friends, and coworkers – because that’s how you’ll be treated too.
And do take into account what your family and friends think of the person you choose.
A dead-giveaway that a person isn’t right for you is if you’re afraid to tell your friends or family about something they’ve done – or how they treat you. Sometimes people minimize, or downplay, problems in order to keep the relationship going. But the trouble is, those problems won’t magically go away – they just cause BIGGER problems in the long run.
So what’s the take home message? If you want a good relationship you need the five things that glue them together – in this order: Love, trust, commitment, intimacy, and attachment.