Hey parents: Are we trying too hard? According to the latest crop of parenting books, we’re so anxious for our kids to achieve, to get into good colleges, have good careers and to be happy, that we often go too far. In doing that, we’re actually planting the seeds of incompetence, frustration and unhappiness in their lives. Carl Honore is the author of the book Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children From the Culture of Hyper-Parenting. He spent two years investigating child-raising approaches around the world. What he found everywhere among middle-class and affluent families was that - despite parents’ best intentions - kids are over-scheduled, over-indulged and over-stimulated.

This micromanagement of kids’ lives has different names in different countries. In the U.S., we call it “helicopter-parenting” because Mom and Dad are hovering. Scandinavians joke about “curling parents” who frantically sweep the ice in front of their child. In Japan, “education mothers” devote every second to steering their children through the school system. According to Honore, this kind of micromanaging isn’t helping anybody.

When parents do their children’s homework, sell their Girl Scout cookies and fill out their college applications – who benefits? These parents are so determined to take the lumps and bumps out of childhood that they never allow their kid to develop coping skills. Experts say this style of parenting accounts partly for the epidemics of depression, anxiety and binge-drinking on college campuses. So why are we overprotecting our kids?

Psychologist Aaron Cooper calls it “The Happiness Creed.” Parents make it a daily project to keep their kids happy. Cooper says he’s counseled kids who feel guilty because they’ve heard their parents say so many times: “I just want you to be happy!” - but the kids weren’t happy, and felt guilty about letting mom and dad down. Also, focusing only on happiness undermines the importance of feelings such as disappointment and sadness – which are common and can help kids grow emotionally. We must stop over-parenting! Otherwise our kids will never learn to deal effectively with their own problems in the real world.