Ask Yourself These Questions Before You Tie The Knot

New research is finding that a growing number of people are getting married, knowing that the relationship won’t work out. Carl Wiessman is the author of “Serious Doubts: Why People Marry When They Know It Won’t Last,” and he conducted a survey of recently divorced people. He found that 76% of men and 83% of women knew before their wedding day that the marriage was doomed.

So why did they tie the knot anyway? The most common reason is that more couples live together before marriage and they think that if they’re ready for that level of commitment, they must be ready for marriage. Other couples are pressured by their families to settle down. It’s also common for people to marry because they have low self-esteem and they think they won’t find anyone better. Or they believe they can work out whatever problems the relationship has over the course of the marriage. None of these reasons are a solid basis for a long term commitment, and you can save yourself a lot of heartache - and paperwork – just by asking yourself these three questions:

• First, is there a serious issue in this relationship? Don’t ask yourself if you can fix it. That’s not the question. Just ask if there’s a problem. This isn’t stuff like “he doesn’t put the toilet seat down.” It’s anything from differences in religion to abuse. If there is something, identify it and ask yourself if it’s something you can live with, everyday, for the rest of your life.
• Am I taking this leap for ME? Or am I taking it because someone else wants me to?
• Finally - and this is important – am I happier with this person in my life? Don’t think about whether or not you’ll hurt someone, or if you think you can’t do any better. Just ask the question and actually listen to what the little voice inside your head says. Researcher and author Carl Weissman says every single person he talked to about their divorce said the same thing: They ignored the voice inside their head that said the marriage wouldn’t last.