4 Proven Ways To Kill Your Relationship

Most of the time I’m giving tips on how to live a more ‘Intelligent Life’ but today I want to share a few tips from the experts on the best ways to destroy your relationship so, after you read them, you’ll be thinking: DON’T DO THAT! 

1. DO NOT threaten to break up in order to get your way. Psychologist Dr. Michael Cunningham says there’s absolutely no evidence that giving your partner an ultimatum will change their behavior. In fact, ultimatums are incredibly damaging because they send the message, “I care more about winning than about you.” They also send the message that you’re willing to bail anytime things don’t go smoothly – that you’re not as invested in the relationship. That makes your partner feel insecure – which is probably the goal of those statements – but it’s manipulative.

2. DO NOT deal with today’s argument by dredging up your partner’s past mistakes. Sharon Wolf is a psychotherapist and author of the book How to Stay Lovers for Life. And she says you have to avoid the “kitchen sink” fight – where you throw everything your partner has done back in their face. That’ll make your partner defensive. Plus, if you’re focusing on issues from the past it will never move you forward to fixing the problem at hand.

3. DO NOT use the silent treatment. Studies show that most people would rather be yelled at than ignored. Marriage counselor Margaret Paul believes the silent treatment is a form of abuse. It’s a way of attempting to control your partner, by forcing them to do what you want them to. If you’re too angry to have a reasonable discussion, say so. And make an appointment to revisit the issue when you calm down. But don’t clam up as a way of punishing your partner because it creates such a deep disconnect between you, it may be impossible to fix.

4. DO NOT resist therapy. My wife and I have been seeing our family counselor since before we were married. There are times when you will need a third party referee. If you and your partner were in a car accident you’d go to the ER for x-rays right? Unresolved issues in your relationship can be just as damaging. Get the X-Ray.

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