Congratulations on your new parrot. Remember to feed it daily, and to be careful what you say around it.

Kids repeat everything they hear – especially when they’re at school and you’re at work, oblivious to the impending phone call from Principal Whatshername.

I’ve seen kids drop F-bombs at restaurants, in stores, and at family get-togethers. It’s hysterically funny. Unless it’s mine repeating my choice words while trying in vain to order a football game on Pay Per View.

If it happens to you, it isn’t the end of the world. We’re human, after all. As parents, we’re running around in circles as it is. Just tell them that Daddy was wrong to use that word and needs to put himself in Timeout. It lets them know that you’re not perfect either, and that we all make mistakes. Trust me, they’ll let you off the hook faster than you think.